How to “Reconfigure” Your Bad Boss
Recently TOTs have been in the news again, ex. in NY Daily News, AOL Jobs and Women Entrepreneur, to name just a few. My latest Psychology Today article deals with several most distinctive features of a really bad boss – Terrible Office Tyrant – that you need to be able to handle:
How to “Reconfigure” Your Bad Boss
They have meltdowns, require on-going maintenance, deny you access, overwhelm you with information, mangle data, have memory lapses and malfunction when you need them most. Computer acting up? These signs of trouble are from employees having to deal with bad bosses who revert to illogical two-year olds when you least expect it.
Unfortunately, you can’t just turn your bad boss in for an upgrade. (Wouldn’t that be nice?) With some practice you can learn to manage them and get them to do what you want without patronizing or losing your job. First you have to figure out what type of terrible office tyrant — TOT for short — you’re dealing with and then “rewire” him or her to your advantage. With your newfound empowering tools, some preventive maintenance, practice, and a lot of diplomacy you can tame your TOT and thrive in your career.
The Top Five Bad Boss Traits
Although I list twenty toxic boss traits in Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job, I receive complaints and feedback about these the most: tantrum-throwing, demanding, needy, stubborn and distracted. Some bosses can demonstrate one, two or more.
Tantrum-throwing
Your day may be going along nicely when, “boom”, your boss suddenly has a meltdown and throws a tantrum to rival a tired toddler. “Yikes!” You could quickly hide under your desk in hopes that he’ll just as quickly recover (they often do) but that doesn’t solve the problem. You shouting “No! Not now!” doesn’t help. Having a meaningful and constructive dialogue about the problem isn’t going to happen either. These bosses cannot manage difficult situations where they’re powerless, especially if your work led to the problem, or if you’re in his line of fire.
Preventive Measures
• Determine the best time of day and day of the week to approach your over-the-top TOT: not right before lunch; Monday mornings; stock collapses or other setbacks.
• When you sense a tantrum coming on, don’t hang around for the fireworks. If you’re dragged in, let your boss vent at first; never fight a tantrum with a tantrum.
• Consider the acronym CALM: Communicate, Anticipate, Laugh and Manage. Keep the lines of communication open; anticipate problems and solutions; use humor (it’s the great diffuser); and manage up by being a positive, proactive problem solver.
Demanding
Your high-maintenance boss wants everything “Yesterday!” color-coded in shades of purple, right-justified every other paragraph and other demanding details that make little sense to you. Then she e-mails you every hour until you get it done. The need for control, desire for perfection, or concern about deadline pressures from above can spur your over-demanding boss to constantly control and check your every move.
Preventive Measures
• Set expectations through regular meetings. When your boss gives you a new assignment, give her an estimate of how long it will take.
• Let your manager know when you are feeling overwhelmed and help her to organize a priority task list.
• Upon successful completion of a project, tell your boss how mutual, realistic goals helped you to accomplish it, to reinforce the positive outcome.
Needy
Your boss just finished a successful presentation and now he’s telling you everything that was said word-by-word, then asks, “What do you think?” You assure him that his presentation was great and the clients were impressed, yet he talks on and on while you keep checking your watch and looking at the pile of work that still needs to be done. Needy bosses require a lot of attention and reassurance, but some needy bosses can also micromanage your every move.
Preventive Measures
• Encourage your TOT’s independence and reinforce his own competence.
• Put a plan together to help your boss strategize about how to cover excessive workloads.
• Help your boss learn that other people — and not just you — can serve him as well.
Stubborn
Your team agrees on a solution to a pesky problem. You present it to the boss and she says, “No! That can’t be done.” Your ideas are shot down and the door is figuratively slammed in your face. Access denied. No compromise. For many stubborn office tyrants, compromise takes them out of their comfort zone. In other cases, they feel it diminishes their stature.
Preventive Measures
• Use positive language to relax your boss when she’s stuck in a stubborn rut.
• Know that it’s easier for TOTs to be more flexible if there’s something in it for them.
• Offer choices and compromises that empower your TOT.
Distracted
Your boss was supposed to give you some key facts for VIP clients two days ago. When you remind her, she says, “Oh, of course. I forgot! I’ll send them right over.” Six hours later nothing has arrived in your inbox. You find out she’s gone to take her dog to the poodle parlor. Bosses like this suffer from BADD—Boss Attention Deficit Disorder. They’re only interested in what seems important at any given moment in time and have trouble paying attention to you.
Preventive Measures
• Make communications compelling. Present your thoughts in a powerful, interactive way to prevent detours.
• Add a pinch of excitement. Use props, visual aids, and humor to keep your manager engaged and on target.
• Manage interruptions. Schedule formal meetings (outside your TOT’s office if possible), so that your boss will be better prepared— and less likely to lose focus.
There’s a good chance you’ve encountered more than one bad boss in you career. Who knows, maybe you even act like one yourself on occasion. Just remember, unlike your computer, your boss is human and should be treated as someone who has intelligence and feelings. We are not machines. Everyone can play a role in humanizing the workplace with greater sensitivity to what’s really behind that bad boss facade.